4 Bunnies and Brownies
Category : Personal
Instalment 4 of my journey with Clusterfluff the brain tumour
I want you to know I’m not scared, and I don’t want you to be scared for me. It’s surreal, yes, but on the whole, I’m balanced, calm, positive. I’m also getting out of doing step classes because of my current fuzziness. Do I need an excuse? Nah.
Bunnies are cute. Enough said.
I just found out that my #8WordStory was selected by Queensland Writers Centre to be a part of their billboard campaign. Excitement! Spewing I missed getting a pic. Here’s a replay: “Mondays were reliable, always showing up. Unlike Thom.”
I’m breathing, breathing and absorbing all the healing energy people are sending me. But this week, one incredible person made me cry big time. Ciera, a US edibuddy I’ve not actually met in person, offered to cut off her stunningly long, luxurious hair and send it to me from across the seas, so I could have a fabulous wig after my operation. OMG! Who does that???? Of course, I couldn’t accept – I’d rather witness and enjoy that beauty in its rightful place – the same way I admired a couple of white butterflies flitting amongst nasturtiums, on my morning walk today. Fragility is stunning. The unbearable lightness of being.
I’m finding it easy to be blown away. When the internet and our televisions inundate us with bad news, ugly news, and suddenly we’re brought face-to-face with something so beautiful as the human spirit, it’s sometimes hard to process. Overwhelming. But it’s there. Always. We need to remember that. Especially when it involves friends dropping in with giant plates of freshly cooked brownies. Thank you, Sue M.
If I’m honest, I’m occasionally feeling teeny tiny bits of angry, for no apparent reason. (Tip: don’t ever try to hide my Peanut M&M’s, bitch!). I suspect this is just me constantly fighting the meds to stay clear-headed.
Someone else (looking at you Sean ) sent me a loving message suggesting I didn’t need to focus on comforting those around me, to place that energy in self-care. I know this is true, but honestly, comforting others, is ultimately comforting myself. And I’m down with setting boundaries when I’ve had enough.
So it’s okay. Sometimes there are no right words, and a heart emoticon is the perfect message to send.
Hearing success stories from others who have been through, or know someone who has been through, similar situations, has also been a huge comfort.
I’ve been watching more brain surgeries on YouTube. Ewwww? Not at all. It’s fascinating how simple it looks. Shave, cut, bust that sucker with ultrasound, pull it out, stitch, staple. Job done.
I think the hospital food will be the worst part. That and the need for Coloxyl. TMI?
On a figurative level, nothing has changed: I’m not any different today to how I was last week, last month. The initial (over)reaction has passed. If a fuzzy head is my only obstacle, I’m winning.
On a literal level, I have the best possible scenario. And even if things don’t go to plan, it will be beyond my control, so I’m just letting life roll – today with wine, cheese and music at the gorgeous Vines at Helen’s Hill, Platters on the Lawn. Come along, if you’re free and enjoy the divine views.
I am fine. I will be fine.