15 Reality rolls and donuts
Category : My Brain Tumour
INSTALMENT 15: 12 months on
Where is it? The momentous change in attitude that’s supposed to come when you’ve faced a pivotal moment in life?
Did I miss it? Apparently, because life is still life, is still life. As each day rolls by, it amuses me that I continually think I almost feel like my old self, but I never quite get there. I guess I can’t. I’m not my old self. Just a familiar version, with familiar patterns.
What’s been happening? My last MRI was clear (whoo!) except for finding Jesus at the base of my skull. What the? Can you see him? On the right? Should I call the pope?
From here, it’s yearly MRIs for a while as these babies are known to grow back. I’m pretty sure I scared the Clusterfluff off for good though.
I still have residual pain, numbness and tingling in my left hand. Turns out it could be a carpal tunnel issue and purely coincidence it’s the same side I was having seizures. Anyhoo, that’s another sideways journey being managed with braces and strapping until I can get properly assessed in February 2019. The main thing is I’m off the seizure medication, and my impacted health (failing kidneys) are on the improve.
What have I done this year?
I expanded my editing business to take on three new editors and around thirty beta readers. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have such a talented, dedicated and reliable team. Blessings. My own calendar is booked solid, and I’m hoping to publish my own novel next year — the one I was about to launch before surgery rudely interrupted the process. I’m trusting this all happened for a reason.
Now I have no more excuses not to return to physical fitness after stacking on weight — a small price to pay.
I tried to go back to step class a while ago. The result was tragic: a distraught drama queen when I couldn’t get halfway through a class I used to whip. I stood, terrified of breaking my ankle, watching everyone else nailing it while I struggled to breathe. Failure. But seriously, what the hell? I went through the whole, I’m smart, I’m a good person, I’m beautiful on the inside, why do I need faux beauty on the outside? Denial? Yes. I now puff going up one flight of stairs.
But I’m an astrological rabbit
That’s me. A bunny. If I can’t get over it, I’ll go around it. I found a new yoga studio close to home. The teachers are excellent, the classes intensive, which is a beautiful thing: while I’m there, willing my body to do the impossible — in the soft heat of infrared, among floaty curtains, and a palm tree outside the window, reminding me of Port Douglas — I disconnect from life, from the dissonance in my head. There’s something magical about the space, or the people, and when I’m there, it’s all about healthy self-indulgence. It’s just a pity the donut shop on the way back to the car park isn’t just as magical with its calories.
One step at a time.
One donut. (Who said that?)
P.S. Meet Evie. The new darling of our office.