Who or whom

To whom am I speaking?

Sound familiar? It’s awfully formal, isn’t it?

In the casual tone of fiction and creative non-fiction, we tend to lean towards “who”, rather than “whom” simply because it’s how the majority of people speak in real life. Of course, if you have a character who always speaks in a formal register, or if you’re writing business or academic works, you should probably opt for the correct usage of “whom”.

Let’s look at how they differ.

The difference between who and whom

Who and whom are both pronouns but act as different types of pronouns (subject or object) depending on their function in a sentence.

Who

“Who” is as a subject pronoun, meaning that it’s used to refer to the person performing the action in a sentence.

Who ate the last piece of cheesecake?
I wasn’t sure who sang at the concern last night.
I’m wondering who would be brave enough to attempt that jump.

In all of these sentences, “who” represents a person performing the action in the sentence – the subject of the verb:

who ate
who sang
who would be brave

Whom

“Whom” is used as an object pronoun, meaning that it is used to refer to the person receiving the action in the sentence.

To whom should I address the letter?
I shared the secret with my sister, whom I am very close to.
You should ask a colleague whom you can rely on.

In all of these sentences, “whom” represents a person receiving the action in the sentence – the object of the verb.

You might find this easier to determine by rephrasing as follows:

address the letter to whom?
are close to whom?
rely on whom?

A trick to determine the subjective or objective form of a pronoun.

If you can replace who/whom with the subjective pronouns “she/he/they”, use who.

Who ate the last piece of cheesecake? (She/he/they ate the cheesecake?)
I wasn’t sure who sang at the concern last night. (She/he/they sang last night.)
I’m wondering who would be brave enough to attempt that jump. (She/he/they would be brave enough.)

If you can replace who/whom with the objective pronouns “him/her/them”, use whom.

To whom should I address the letter? (I should address the letter to him/her/them?)
I shared the secret with my sister, whom I am very close to. (I am close to her.)
You should ask a colleague whom you can rely on. (You can rely on her/him/them.)

Summary

Once you figure out whether a pronoun is subjective or objective, it’s easy to determine whether you should use who or whom. However, the tone or register of your writing also plays a part in whether you stick to the formality of the objective whom.

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